The Tragic Story of Uchiha Sasuke
by highofframen
Summary: Show's the tragic life of Uchiha Sasuke originally Robert Bedell, a subspecies of human. For all Sasuke bashers out there, i'm sure you'll have a blast reading this. r&r pleez.
1. The Tragic Story of Uchiha Sasuke

Remember young grasshoppers, I don't own naruto or any thing related to that in this story 

The Tragic Story of Uchiha Sasuke's Prom Night

Hi, my name is Vivien and I'm here to tell you the story of how Uchiha Sasuke's prom night went (this is what the loser gets for not leaving us alone).

It all started when Sasuke nearly finished high school. He was happy that he had gotten into Willington's Academy For Fast Food (WAFF) for college. Now prom was nearing by, it was a chance for him to say goodbye to his friends [kidding! He doesn't have any.

Sasuke was looking forward to that night. He built enough courage to ask out the hottest girl in school, and to his surprise, she said yes. Feeling better than ever, Sasuke took all of his money from working with McDonalds to buy an Armani suit, a Gucci tie, Coach shoes (if they ever make any), and a Louis Vuitton man purse. He had also rented the best limo he could find, for this was going to be the night he would always remember.

On prom night, Sasuke posed for pictures at his house, bid his parents goodbye and hopped into his fancy limo. When he had gotten to his date's house, the house was empty. There was a note on the door that said:

_Dear Sasuke_

_This was all a joke, I never liked you, I just needed the money. I'm sorry. Never mind, I'm not sorry. You're a loser and you suck. Screw you._

_-Insincerely, your prom date_

Tears filled up in Sasuke's eyes, ruining his mascara and Concealer he had worked so hard to get perfect. He simply just went back into the limo waiting to arrive at the school.

When Sasuke had gotten there, everybody looked at him with disgust, for he was the only one there dateless. He asked every single girl to dance, but they all rejected him. He had tried to slow dance by himself, but that didn't work out. Slowly treading to the bathroom, he went into a stall and started crying. Fat tears caressing down his cheek plopped onto his Louis Vuitton man purse.


	2. Enter: WAFF

The Tragic Story Of Uchiha Sasuke Part 2-Enter: WAFF

Yo, it's me Vivien. Now our young, ugly Sasuke has gone to WAFF (Willington's Academy For Fast Food) and I am here to tell u just what happened.

Even though Sasuke's prom wasn't the greatest, wait never mind, his prom was the worst thing that ever happened him, he was prepared to go to WAFF with pride, and self-confidence. With his Louis Vuitton man-purse in hand, and all his luggage, he kissed his mummy and daddy goodbye, bid farewell to his brothers, and Mary was celebrating with her friends. (I hope this day happens!!!!!)

Sasuke entered the grand BWI and went to check in for his flight [I think that's what u do 1st. The person behind the desk was a hot girl, wait that's not what happened. Here's who was really behind the desk: The ugliest guy u will ever see with your own very 2 eyes. Even uglier than Sasuke. Psyche, nobody's uglier than Sasuke, but you get my point. Sasuke didn't think this way though. His eyes lit up with excitement, and he started drooling at the butt ugly guy, stating "humana, humana, humana." He quickly said 2 the guy,

"I like u," and gave him a wink. The guy started getting scared and asked, "are u alright, sir???" Then out of nowhere, Mariah Carey's "All I want 4 Christmas, is u" started playing and Sasuke sang along to the dude. The guy passed out. Although, whatever u do with the luggage and the ticked was done. Sasuke exclaimed "oops" and went on to the gate 2 wait for his flight.

As soon as his flight came, he went into the plane, and sat down into his seat. Another butt ugly guy had 2 sit next to Sasuke. The ugly guy's ugliness immediately turned Sasuke on, and went through his winking-I like u-Mariah Carey phase, and made the poor [ugly dude pass out. The flight attendant got really angry at Sasukie, and she decided with the other crewmembers 2 lock Sasuke in a closet 4 the 6 hour flight, no meals. (MUHAHA!!!!!!)

Sadly, Sasuke survived the tormenting flight, and went to the front of the airport to get a taxi. It took forever, cuz Robert's ugliness made ppl avoid him. Finally a blind taxi guy came (I don't know if this is possible) and sent Sasuke 2 WAFF.

As soon as Sasuke got 2 his dorm, he unpacked and fell asleep from the tiring flight. He slept through for five hours, until he woke up and realized he missed half of a class. He ran as fast as he could, 3 times around campus (he doesn't have a good sense of direction) until he got to the ridiculously large classroom. Because he was the last one there, he got the bad fryer, broken utensils, and the last seat, where he was behind this huge guy, so he couldn't see.

Sasuke's classes ended, and he was exhausted from making French fries all day. As soon as he got to his dorm room, a couple mean looking guys were in there already, cuz the stupid, annoying, idiot named Sasuke forgot 2 lock the door. They had a rope, and lotsa duct tape. Sasuke screamed like a little girl he truly is, and ran for his life, but a guy caught him. They tied him up to a chair, and put duct tape over his mouth. Here's their conversation:

**Thugs: You're an idiot 2 leave ur door open**

**Sasuke: mmmmmmm!!!!!**

**Thugs: Well, I've looked through your stuff, and I really like this Louis Vuitton man-purse u have. I'm gonna steal it and have ultimate world domination!!!!!!! Monahan!!!!!!!!**

**Sasuke: he licks the duct tape off NO U CAN'T!!!!!!!!! I HAD ALL MY FEMININE NEEDS IN THERE!!!!!!!!!! MY CONCEALER, MY MASCARA, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Thugs: put tons of duct tape on Robert well too bad girly boy.**

The thugs then walked out w/Sasuke's o so beloved purse. Once again, Tears spilt out of his eyes, knowing that this college experience would be just as bad as his prom night…


	3. Spring Break

The Tragic Story Of Uchiha Sasuke, Part 3: Spring Break

By: Vivien Xie

Here we find ourselves back into Sasuke's experience at WAFF (Willington's academy for fast food) and it's slowly getting better but not that much. So far: he bought a new Louis Vuitton man-purse, but got it stolen again (with ALL of his feminine needs), was doing badly in his classes by not having the ability to deep fry or grill any food, and was still having trouble finding any boys, or friends may I add. This college experience seemed like it wasn't going very well. But there was a reasonable escape from all this [extremely funny from our points of view madness. Spring break was coming up and Sasuke had chosen the perfect vacation spot:

South of France. Beautiful beaches, warm sunny weather, and tons of great rock climbing cliffs (man do I sound like an infomercial or WHAT?). So then our young ugly Sasuke packed his bags, and chose a plane ticket on United Airways to travel to his dream spot.

At the airport, there were soooo many ugly guys. Sasuke had to restrain himself. He knew what happened last time, and he wouldn't want to again. But it didn't work, when Sasuke went over to customs, this butt ugly guy was there, and he had the need to go through his wink-I like you-Mariah Carey phase. So he just did and the poor fellow passed out of fear. The security alarm rang, and Sasuke was convicted, being charged and had to give up his 3rd Louis Vuitton man-purse. He barely made his flight. Running through gate 7-C, he attempted to do a flip cause it looks cool in the matrix. But he fell on top of an old lady. Then the old lady started hitting him with her purse, which gave Sasuke marks, marks of pain remembering not to knock down old peoples.

In the plane, he scared all of the crewmembers with ugliness, and instead of being locked into a closet; he was locked into the storage bins above the seats. There he cried over losing his Louis Vuitton man-purse until the flight was over. The little girl under him didn't know that he was there, so when her mom went to get their carry on bags, Sasuke fell out. Because of his ugliness and well yeah, his ugliness, the little girl thought he was some type of monster and threw a flashlight at his head

With a generous bump on his head, Sasuke ran away from the plane, almost got hit by another, and finally made his way to the front of the airport. There he had to get a taxi, but once again, he couldn't get one because he scared the living daylights out of everyone. Sasuke then checked into his four seasons hotel, and fell asleep. The guy who comes in to give you breakfast came in, and saw Sasuke. He went _Sacre bluer!_ And ran away as fast as he could. Then he decided he shouldn't stay in his hotel room all day, so he went to one of those cliff things to climb.

On his way there, he had no way of transportation. So he had to run all the way there, almost getting hit by the Tour de France. Once he was there, he scared off all the other climbers. He didn't really mind cuz he liked to have it by himself.

While he was climbing the big rock, he slipped and fell. As he was nearing his death he thought: _o, y should this be happening to me? I have too much to live for! My man-purses, my "hideously good" looks, and my college experience as a fast food person!!!!!!. _But his prayers were answered. He didn't fall into the Grand Rapids; he fell into a boat of models. But this wasn't right. They didn't pass out they _actually_ liked him. Sasuke looked up and saw them. Since they did like him, he thought that this was at least someone, so girls weren't that bad. There was just seaweed covering his face. As Giselle Bunched, Heidi Klux, Naomi Campbell, and all the other models in the boat adored him, the seaweed fell off, and mostly all of them passed out. Then quickly some big security guy came and threw Sasuke out of the boat, onto the cliffs. Lucky throw he thought to himself. A few seconds later, he fell into an alligator pit, and once again, this gave him marks, marks of pain not to talk to models or just anybody else with dignity. As he went back to WAFF early, he decided to get a pet…

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!


	4. Uchiha Sasuke and the Deathly Pet

The Tragic Story of Uchiha Sasuke Part 4:

Uchiha Sasuke and the Deathly Pet

Ok, it's time to say that our disgustingly ugly Sasuke is freakishly unlucky. After South of France was terrible and painful (thanks a lot with advertising Beyonce!!!!!) Sasuke had returned to WAFF where he was making no progress, and still running around the entire campus 3 times every day trying to find his deep frying class. He had no friends. Then one day he saw a commercial:

_Need a friend?_

_COME ONE; COME ALL TO THE BRAND NEW MR. CORKY'S PET STORE!!_

_You will find the most amazing and friendly animals on this side of the world!!!!_

_Company and friendship is all you will find when you purchase a pet here!!!!_

_Come soon!!!_

_At 123 Fake Street_

As soon as the word "friend" came up, Sasuke sifted through his Louis Vuitton man purse for money, and ran as fast as he could to the pet store. He had no friends due to his unbelievable ugliness, so it was a good idea to buy a friend since there were absolutely no other options

Poor ugly Sasuke ran through the middle of the highway, and ran into Waldo from "Where's Waldo?" and since Waldo's supposed to be, uhh, like hiding. Sasuke's ugliness instantly brought everyone's eyes toward him (but then back away from Sasuke's hideous face) they did see Waldo however, and since Sasuke gave up his hiding place, Waldo beat him up.

With marks, marks of pain not to run into Waldo ever again, Sasuke continued on his way to the pet shop. Once he got there, all these animals surrounded him. "Which friend should I buy here?" Sasukesaid. Then something really caught him. It shared all his qualities: ugly. An AARDVARK! But that didn't unconvinced Sasuke. He thought it was adorable.

Walking home with his aardvark which he named Arthur in his man purse. By the time he had gotten back to his dorm room, he put down his man purse to let Arthur roam around. Happy with his new friend, he finally knew that someone accepted him.

About to get something out of his man purse, he noticed it wasn't there. It was in…

ARTHUR'S MOUTH!! His feminine needs fell out as the leather-vicious monster was devouring the purse. After he was done with the purse, he went to the feminine needs.

It swallowed the mascara, then the concealer, and everything else until his 3rd Louis Vuitton man purse and his 2nd set of feminine needs were gone.

Arthur ran out the door, and into a deep-frying class. Sasuke ran as fast as his skinny legs could allow him trying to catch him. He raced across the rows of French fries, and tripping to fall in a big bowl of hamburgers. Everyone gasped twice as much from his ugliness and the hamburgers. Arthur started devouring desks. Sasuke forgot which number to call for animal control so he called:

Poison Control

eHarmony hotline

991

By the time he had gotten the number right, Arthur had eaten all the desks, and a deep frying pan. Sasuke had to pay for this damage. Everyone was angry and disgusted by Sasuke.

So much for a great friend. Sasuke was sad, but as soon as he dumped Arthur into a dumpster in front of the White House (imagine what will happen now). Arthur went up into the White House and ate President Bush.

A week later, Sasuke was congratulated by WAFF for getting rid of him. Things were just turning for the better, but knowing Sasuke, it usually doesn't…

TO BE CONTINUED!!

Ok, if you're a republican and was offended by the Bush being eaten by Arthur thing, I'm not trying to reform the government like in "the giver" or whatever, I'm just expressing my views.


End file.
